the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize