i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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