She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
