I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
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She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
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You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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