There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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