I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
tell me about the fingering
Randomize