That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
