nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
she smelled like a LAN party
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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