What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
