Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
