I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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