Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
