There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
