pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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