he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
