Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
