Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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