You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize