Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
