it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
