so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
