Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
