The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just threw up on my dentist
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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