we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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