I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
