Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
