Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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