i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize