i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
