**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
