my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
