Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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