my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Less talking, more tequila
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
