well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
