I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
