I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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