now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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