I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just had sex on a roof
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
