20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
