Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
accomplished twins. life is a go
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
