I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
