I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
