omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
