i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
