I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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