all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
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..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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