Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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