meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
either way he was missing a nipple.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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