Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize