he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
