I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
