I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
