No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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