You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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