So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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