I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
