I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
