So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize