My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
