she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize