I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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