Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
