I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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