Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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