Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Sorry about my life...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
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