Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
