I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
