trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize