The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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