I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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