This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
