don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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