I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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