we have officially lost it.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
