either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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