I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
