you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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