You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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