i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
